Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Insomnia

Written Thursday, August 21, 2008

Insomnia

I don't understand why it came back. As some of you know I was kicked out of my home at the end of 8th grade, and I remained kicked out until the end of freshman year. About four months after I moved out I lost the ability to fall asleep. I was seeing a therapist (forced by the social services) and he determined that I had insomnia. It was a minor chase of it because once I fell asleep I would sleep and was able to go into a deep slumber, just the problem was falling asleep. I was only proscribed meds for it once, but they took them off shortly because after only two weeks I was totally addicted to them. My minor case of insomnia came and went depending on how guilty my conscious was. I have always told myself that the reason I was able to fall asleep was because there was a problem set out in front of me and god didn't want me to rest until I fixed the problem. Although I know why I can't sleep at night, I don't understand to why this condition of mine needed to come back. I have a major problem right now, but I went about it in the completely right matter and so far everything is working out, but for some reason I still can't fucking sleep. When its time for me to die and I finally get too fined out if god exists I am going to be so fucking pissed off if he doesn't. I believe in him, but I'm tired and I want to be able to close my eyes and fall asleep but for some fucking reason he won't let me do that. Yeah yeah this is a sob story but fuck I was tired of holding it in.

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