Malevolently Speaking

Written Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Malevolently Speaking

Am I anything more than just a face? Labels mean so much whether you want to admit it or not. The only problem is that my labels are meaningless. Every time I think about this it makes me realize how alone I really am. I've never had any close friends, I've never had a friend to talk to who didn't have motives behind their words. Yes I've had people there for me, I've had people give me their thoughts and tell me that everything is going to be ok. I have those friends who love to see me at parties because they enjoy my company. I have those friends who want to be there for my daughter and I have an amazing fiancee who would do pretty much anything for me. But that's not much I can depend on. Through my whole relationship with Tori I was so dependent on her that she could have literally could have asked me for my car and I would have given it to her just to make sure she didn't break up with me. I'm glad I was like that now because otherwise I wouldn't be dating Tori and I wouldn't trade our relationship for the world but being that obsessive wouldn't of let me break up with her when I thought I needed to. I've always used to invest myself into people who used me because I'm a nice guy and because of that I don't try to make friends, and I don't try to be open with anyone. Am I more than just a boy? Am I more than just a friend? Will I leave a mark on anyone's life? Or will I end up just being a face that is soon forgotten after its left the room?

I think I'm going to go scream at the walls until I don't feel feelings anymore.